Sex, Mud and Mountain Bikes

I only included the word sex in the title to grab your attention so be warned that you won't be getting any from this post primarily because I'm not getting any. LOL *sigh*

Moving on...Went for a bike ride yesterday and it felt really good to get back on the trails and get muddy. I can't express how much I love my bike and I love it when she gets dirty lol. My skills are a little off since I couldn't hop some logs that I remember doing last year and I didn't have the bollucks to take this narly downhill that I've only done once before. On the downside, some of my fav trails were blocked off for forest restoration so missed out on some good riding but I realize that the forest needs a break so I just going to have to find some new single track to thrash.

I miss karate. It provided a release of frustration and an opportunity for meditation. I need these to survive but, alas, I don't think my knee is up to the rigorous training required yet. I still sort of limp when going down steps so I look retarded.

The Opposite Sex...Dah! (Hmmm maybe the title was indeed appropriate?)

One thing that I have refused to let myself feel is the need/pressure to be in a relationship and working towards that seemingly unachievable goal of marriage. Sadly, I am beginning to sense these emotions coming on and it freaking sucks! Why don't we all just sleep with whoever and forget this monogamy crap? Its so difficult. In Iceland there are tons of single mothers who don't bear a social stigma since sex in their society is not taboo and being promiscuous is totally fine. I don't even know where I'm going with this...this is how messed up I am. Sheesh!

So...my friend and I are probably going to try this speed dating phenomena that is going on right now...we'll see where it leads. I just feel I gotta meet new people...this group incest has got to stop. I don't want to feel like I'm stepping on a friend's toes if I'm attracted to a girl. Strangers needed! I feel like I have so much to offer the right girl and there is just no one to share it with. I want the conversation, the sweet embrace or just the feeling of being there for someone. Dah! (that would be an expression of frustration for those who are curious) John Mayer captured this feeling best in his song "Love Song for No One"

I'm jaded and i hate it!

Song of the Post: John Mayer "Love Song for No One"

Back Again?

Why the long absence? I dunno...the past weeks or months I have felt a build up of stress that left me with no motivation or desire to do anything productive including posting entries here. Unfortunate since this is frequently a place where I can find solace by transforming my thoughts into text.

A great relief was going on the cruise that was planned for months so graciously and formidably by my non-biological brother Rob. "Trip of a lifetime" is all that can put into perspective the amazing time that I enjoyed on this trip. To have 20 friends all on the same vacation presents a great opportunity for bonding and relaxing and most of all having fun. Granted, I am somewhat new to this group in some aspects and among the older of its members. While some joke about this detail I know its in good fun and having some younger friends presents a fresh outlook on life. On the other hand, having younger friends has also pointed out how goals in life change. While at their age, that being only three years my junior, I recall having a life plan consisting of the age I desired to marry and to start a family. Having had a four year relationship recently come to an end that plan has been somewhat skewed lol. At a recent birthday party a group of friends were discussing their desired age of marriage. The concensus was around 27-28 while a few, more career oriented individuals, mentioned in their early thirties. It was this discussion that brought to mind the realization that having spent four years in a relationship that failed I have left myself only 2-3 years of time to find a fiancee in order to fit my original life plan. While not impossible, I do not believe it to be probable. So where does this leave me? Simple. FUCK the plan. (I guess I have taken up swearing in my posts friends are doing it and it does add a dramatic effect. I guess this blog has graduated to an AA14 rating) While the time invested with Riz did not work out I dont regret anything. I admit the concern is there but it must be overcome. Life goes on.

Am I subconciously attracted to Libras? More importantly, Libras who are afraid of commitment? Hmmmm...

Part of the stress surrounding recent times is that 2005 is an important year for career choices. I am on a lucky streak recently and wish to continue that theme. I am in the process of interviewing for a dream first real job with a company that I admire greatly and that presents a wealth of opportunity for me...Only Hope.


Song of the Post: "Love Is" Common